i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
