My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
