Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
