i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
