If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
