I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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