Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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