So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I am midnight drunk by noon
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
