oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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