I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
