Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
