So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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