I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
it's not cheating when I paid for it
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
