keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
