Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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