im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
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Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize