Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
