thus making me awesome and them whores
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
