I wish I could punch you in the face.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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