I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
