im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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