if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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