Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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