billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
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