That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
