she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
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Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
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Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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