meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
