two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
