fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
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do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
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I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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