i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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