He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
