took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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