i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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