he thought i was a dude.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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