After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
