Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
