what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
