I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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