if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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