Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
