nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
