I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
