So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i already hear my dad disowning me
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
