I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
