Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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