I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
