no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
