Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
