were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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