tell your sister to shave her snatch
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize