I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
