I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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