I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
