Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
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I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
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I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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