we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
