She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
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had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
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You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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