I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
