Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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