Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
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