well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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