I smell stomach acid.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
