ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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