dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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