flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
